Chuck's List: CSO's hip image requires symphony of ideas

The Cincinnati Enquirer's Chuck Martin came up with a (tongue-in-cheek) Top 10 list of suggestions for helping the Cincinnati Symphony boost its attendance (10/7/05):

The Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra is reaching for a hip note. After seeing its concert attendance drop 12 percent last year, the CSO (8 p.m. performances today and Saturday in Music Hall) began offering several promotions this season in hopes of attracting a younger audience, including Beethoven bobble heads, temporary tattoos that say "Get Your Beethoven On" and free chocolates.

Of course, we've got our own ideas. Here are 10 ways to improve the CSO's attendance:

10: Goodbye reserved seating, hello festival seating.

9: First 15 guys dressed as Mozart get in free.

8: New on timpani, Mr. Bob Huggins.

7: The BenGals move their pom-poms to the symphonic beat.

6: Pop star Gwen Stefani plays Madame Butterfly in the CSO's new music video.

5: Waiters bring nachos directly to you.

4: When the toilets flush, they play Beethoven's "Fifth."

3: At intermission, Cincinnati councilman Jim Tarbell tries out his stand-up routine.

2: If someone's cell phone rings during a performance, an usher smacks him repeatedly with a rolled up program.

1: New stage name for conductor Paavo Järvi: "P. Diddy."